‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’: The devil wears Posche?

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This week on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”: a whole lot of nothing. Not even a hairless cat. We miss you, Grandma Wrinkles.

One thing was made clear, though, about the “Housewives” franchise -- and it’s not the obvious “being crazy” list of traits. Apparently, having one family member named “Cookie” is required. There goes my chance!

OK, OK ... on to the show.

We’re reminded of Teresa’s housewarming party. Why? I’m not sure. But Danielle’s name, inevitably, comes up. In fact, throughout the show, everyone talks about Danielle, or tries to get others to talk about Danielle -- you know, the usual. That woman’s ears must constantly be ringing. But she wasn’t the only one whose name was used more times than Kelly Bensimon says jellybeans. Kim D. -- not to be confused with Kim G. -- is a big player in Thursday’s episode. The Kims clearly are looking for their own spinoff, right? They’re like the two-faced version of Laverne and Shirley. And, together, they’ve got the “Housewives” in the palm of their hand.
First, Kim G. gossips about Danielle to anyone who will listen at Teresa’s extravagant party. To twist the knife, Kim D. meets Jacqueline and Teresa for lunch and invites them to her fashion show -- seriously, I’ve had it with these fashion shows!

Upon hearing about the guest list, a slightly (read: extremely) peeved Danielle, heads to Posche to confront Kim D. But Kim D. isn’t there. In her place is a receptionist/saleswoman (?) who, in Danielle’s eyes, has a whole lot of attitude in her index finger. When Danielle is asked to hold on -- the woman was taking a call -- she interprets that as a slap in the face from Kim D. I can’t explain it. It makes sense in her head. So, naturally, Danielle goes haywire. When Kim D. returns, things get wackier and Kim D. asks Danielle to leave the store. Psh. Like Danielle cares? Of course not. It just gives her a reason to storm out with her maniacal laugh.

In the meantime, Kim D. asks Ashley to model for her. Once that part of the manipulation is taken care of, she phones Danielle and persuades her into coming to the fashion show.

Yay! Finally something worth watching, right? Hardly.

After choosing between two pairs of high heels to compliment her leather leggings, Danielle and I’m-wearing-a-skirt-purchased-at-Baby-Gap Kim G. head to the fashion show armed with a bodyguard. And Danielle felt good. She knew everybody there: “I felt such warmth.” Pause for laughter.

But things quickly become chilly when she spots Teresa and Jacqueline at -- dun dun dun!! -- Kim D.’s table. She was pretty much just a vessel of fumes, and she took out her rage by taking a cue from Paris Hilton (ever the role model) by pretending to be on the phone.

Once the fashion show wraps up, Teresa insists on saying hello to Danielle on her way out. And like Bravo always does, they make us wait not one, but two weeks to see the ultimate “Housewives” showdown, which probably will make the table-flipping episode of yesteryear a faded memory.

In other parts of the show, Caroline, searching for ways to remain a relevant fixture on the show, has lunch with two sisters (Gasp! One of them isn’t Dina!) and mopes about how her kids are leaving her -- though, none of them have actually moved out.

So forlorn Caroline makes eyes at Albert in the kitchen, in hopes that he’ll consider retiring. When that doesn’t work, she tries sulking at the Chart House. Oh, Caroline. Just buy yourself a package of ham and call it a night.

Show Trackers, what did you think of Thursday’s episode? Would you watch a Kim D.-Kim G. spinoff or would you be too confused? Sad you have to wait two whole weeks to see the ultimate showdown?

-- Yvonne Villarreal

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